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Things that awaken my inner rage monster (in no particular order):
- The F-nugget who thought it would be fun to try to kidnap me. Throwing me in a trunk? Rude!
- My oldest brother—for insisting I need constant babysitters since I’m in danger. Oops! Did I say babysitters? I meant bodyguards.
- Same brother again—for having a ridiculously hot best friend, then assigning him as my primary bodyguard and telepathically forbidding him from dating me, even though I’m starting to suspect that he’s seriously crushing on me. (The best friend is crushing, not my brother. Don’t be weird.)
- My brother’s best friend (i.e.: my new bodyguard)—for having a jaw so chiseled it could probably slice through a huge block of aged cheddar, and yet, not letting me lick it. (His jaw, not the cheddar. Now you’re waking up my rage monster.)
- My bodyguard’s stupid rules—for forbidding me from flirting with him, touching him more than necessary, and kissing him again. Even though he started it!
- Wine—for having calories.
- My ex-husband—for breathing.
- The law—for prohibiting st*bbing.
- My heart and bodyguard—both for making me fall in love again . . . the audacity!
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